April, 199€

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE Page 7

Your Personal Space

by Antone Feo, Ph.D.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

An adult individual reared in a home environment where one or both parents are alcoholic is considered to be an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA). It has been estimated that between seven and ten percent of the population is alcoholic. The above indicates that there are approximately 6 million children of alcoholics under the age of 18, and over 25 million adults. Nearly half of all recovering and active alcoholics are also ACOAS.

Most ACOAs experienced a home life which was unpredictable and filled with chaos. They were exposed to poor or minimal parental supervision, outbursts of emotions and distorted adult role models. They witnessed destructive interpersonal relationships, suffered from emotional neglect and were forced too early into adult status. Ostensibly, the ACOA does not learn the basic skills necessary to determine what is normal and abnormal behavior.

A parent's alcoholism typically is a closely guarded family secret. Each family member knows instinctively not to share this information with anyone beyond the immediate family circle. It is rare for the ACOA to seek professional assistance. They typically do not confide in their minister, rabbi, teacher or other professional. Similarly, the family seldom talks about their problem amongst themselves. This process further alienates each family member from one another.

In response to their home environment the ACOA frequently feels alienated and alone. They feel powerless and have a pronounced feeling of abandonment. They feel embarrassed, shameful and believe they are different from their peers. They mistrust others, distrust their own perceptions and learn to hold back feelings. It is typical for them to put their wants and needs second to the demands of others.

When the child grows into adulthood, he or she frequently assumes some basic characteristic respective to other ACOAS. One of the more prevalent constructs centers around the issues of control. The ACOA attempts to control people and events in their adult environment. They are intolerant of others who break promises, change their minds or want to change plans. They overreact to changing life situations where they have little or no control. Their control issues cause them to be rigid and unbending.

The ACOA puts on a facade of being in control of their feelings. They utilize this process because they believe that any emotional expression is a form of being out of control. If an emotion does surface they reject it, deny its existence, minimize the importance of it, or gloss over it.

The ACOA rejects their feeling to contain their fears and to avoid pain.

Underneath their facade of well-being causing their lover undo stress. are unresolved feelings of rage, abandonment, loss, sadness, rejection and shame. If these feelings come to the surface, the ACOA can become overwhelmed and frightened.

As can be expected, the ACOA is most concerned about controlling their anger. They believe that if they experience their rage, it will consume them. This is an all-or-nothing process. They typically say: "I don't want to learn anything about my rage, because I am afraid I will kill myself or someone else."

The ACOA has difficulty trusting others, their feelings and their own perceptions. They avoid trusting others because they do not want to feel vulnerable. If they trust another person, they believe that person will eventually leave them and cause them much emotional pain. This posture causes the ACOA to avoid interpersonal relationships or to engage in dysfunctional relationships. Typically,

the ACOA will attract and be attracted to others who come from similar dysfunctional homes. Such relationships are oftentimes destined for disaster.

It is typical for the ACOA to over assume responsibility for the feelings and actions of others. If their lover begins to drink after a period of sobriety, the ACOA feels that they have caused it. If their lover becomes violent while in a black-out, the ACOA feels they have brought it upon themselves. They oftentimes feel they should be punished for

LESBIAN GAY Community Service Center

OF GREATER CLEVELAND

This space has been donated to the Center by the Chronicle, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Chronicle staff or management.

by Robert Laycock

Living Room. Two new programs are beginning in April in the Living Room, a drop-in center for people with AIDS or ARC, and HIV-positive men and

women.

A new video night is starting, and a weekly gourmet potluck dinner is, too. If you're good with food, we need you! Call the Living Room for more information at 522-1998.

NCLA. The Center welcomes the North Coast Lesbian Alliance to the Center. If you'd like to know more about NCLA's meetings, call the Lesbian-Gay Hotline at 781-6736.

Pride '90. The Cleveland Pride Committee is busy organizing the Pride '90 celebration, scheduled for Saturday, June 16. This year's celebration will include a march through Public Square in downtown Cleveland.

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Another issue is shame. The ACOA is typically embarrassed by their parent's drinking. Their shame leads to poor self image and lack of self esteem. In response to such feelings, they will often apologize for their actions, thoughts or feelings. Or they may overcompensate by attempting to be perfect. They attempt to have a perfect apartment house, a perfect body, or a perfect wardrobe. This striving for perfection says: "I do not like myself, but I hope you find me to be tolerable."

Problematic behaviors associated with the ACOA do not only appear in homes where chemical addiction exists.

Such behaviors may also exist in dysfunctional families. A dysfunctional family may include one where a child is the target of physical, sexual or verbal abuse. In such situations the child is exposed to psychological or physical trauma and feels overwhelmed by the total process.

At this time there are many ACOA's and adults who come from dysfunctional families, but few available support sys-

tems.

In response to this need, I have started a support group for such individuals. It is held on Monday night at 6:00 to 7:30 p.m. This co-ed group consists of ten individuals and there is a fee for service.

For further information contact Dr. Antone Feo at 331-3399.

Pride '90 meetings are held at the Center on the second and fourth Mondays of the month, at 7:30 p.m. If you'd like to help build Cleveland's Gay Pride celebration, drop in at the next meeting!

Gay Bay. Presence and Respect for Youth in Sexual Minority (PRYSM) set up an information booth in March at the Awareness Fair, held at Bay Village High School. Lots of literature was distributed, and some consciousness was raised! If you're age 22 or younger and would like to get involved in PRYSM, call the hotline.

On the Road. The Center took its show on the road with information tables at two Cleveland conferences. The Center and the Health Issues Taskforce (HIT) shared a table in Public Hall when the Federation for Community Planning hosted its annual conferences on health and human services.

The Center also set up shop at a conferences of the National Association of Social Workers.

Great Meeting! About forty people attended the Center's General Membership Meeting on March 6. The meeting included a thought-provoking forum on anti-gay funding restrictions imposed on the National Endowment for the Arts.

The Center wants to thank our speakers: Roger Danforth, Literary

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Chevrei Tikva

The Cleveland Religious and Social Yanization for Gay and Lesbian Jews

This space has been donated to Chevrei Tikva by the Chronicle, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Chronicle staff or management.

Passover Seder. The Seder is a traditional meal served in the middle of a special service celebrating the Exodus of the Jews from Egypt. It is the beginning of an eight day period where no food with flour is served. This is also a time of family gathering, much the same as Thanksgiving. Traditional foods are served such as matzo and gefilte fish.

On Friday, April 6 will be a combination of Shabbat service and our annual Passover Seder. Starting time for this event will be at 7:00 p.m. instead of the usual 8:30.

Although the first Seder (some families observe two Seders) is the following Monday, Chevrei Tikva celebrates before the official holiday in order for members to be with their families on the traditional nights.

All are invited to attend. A donation of $17 non member and $15 member or student will be charged. Special arrangements can be made for hardships, so that none will be excluded. Call 932-5551 for

more details.

Yom Hoshoa. The weekend of April 20 will be another first at the Synagogue. Guests will include a lesbian rabbi from Philadelphia and a delegation from Pittsburgh representing the newest lesbian and gay synagogue in the area.

The Friday evening Sabbath will be Continued on Page 16

Manager at the Cleveland Playhouse; Jean Gaffert, General Manager of Cleveland Public Theatre; Bob Navis of the Near West Theatre; freelance artist and photographer Andy Shea; and Bill Tregoning, owner of Tregoning Fine Art.

The evening ended with a 50/50 raffle and a drawing for eight door prizes. The gifts were great! Everything from concert tickets, to books, to a fragrant bunny! Our thanks to the donors. The next meeting is in June. See you then!

It's A Stage meets again Saturday, April 14, for a festive show tune sing-along. Join us at 7:30 p.m. We'll sing the scores of Gypsy and Annie Get Your Gun.

Adult Children of Alcoholics. A weekly support group for Adult Children of Alcoholics meets every Wednesday at the Center, starting at 7:30 p.m. If you're interested, just drop in.

We Need You! Don't forget that the Center is your organization, and we hope you'll join us. We need your support! Individual memberships are $15-25 a year, Household memberships are $2540. Both are more if you can, less if you can't. And, monthly pledges are always welcomed, too.

Exciting things are happening at the Center, and more is being planned. We hope you'll be a part of your Community Center. Give us a call at 522-1999.

COMPREHENSIVE HEALTH CARE

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26250 Euclid Ave., Suite 625, Euclid, OH 44132

STEPHEN ALTIC, D.O.

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DOUGLAS J. MOORE, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist 663-0245

DR. MOORE ALSO LOCATED AT:

5708 TURNEY RD., SUITE 205, GARFIELD HTS.

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